I wasn’t mad. Probably.

Sure, the lights had gone out and I was alone in a haunted TartanMart with a thunderstorm shrieking outside – but I wasn’t the kind of person who hallucinated sexy machinery. Not usually.

Still, the screen had spoken. With that voice. Like a phone-sex operator wrapped in velvet and electricity. And it had said – what had it said again?

“Unexpected item in the arousal area.”

I snorted out loud, part horror, part hysteria. I was tired. That was all. I’d worked a double shift, skipped lunch, and my feet were killing me. Of course, my brain was starting to go weird.

I crept back toward Checkout Six. It had gone dim again, like it hadn’t said anything at all. I rubbed the heel of my palm over my eyes, muttering, “Jesus, Ruby, you’re talking to appliances now. Next you’ll be flirting with the mop bucket.”

I reached out and touched the screen again. Warm. Definitely warmer than before. I let my hand rest there a second longer. The light pulsed beneath my palm.

“Hello?” I whispered.

Nothing.

My thumb brushed the card reader.

It shivered.

I jerked my hand back, startled. That had definitely not been my imagination. Machines weren’t supposed to shiver. Especially not in a way that felt almost… expectant. Like it was holding its breath. If machines had breath.

I glanced around, half-hoping someone else had seen it. But of course not. It was just me, the storm, and a suddenly-too-sentient self-checkout.

“Okay,” I muttered, stepping in a little closer, heart doing that annoying tap dance thing it did when I was about to make a Very Bad Decision. “Let’s pretend this is fine.”

I reached out again, fingertips brushing the screen. “You’re just a machine. A perfectly ordinary –”

The screen pulsed.

A soft sound – barely a bleep – slid from the speaker. Not a word. Not quite. More like… a sigh.

I froze. My stomach fluttered in a way that had nothing to do with fear and everything to do with the slow, dangerous curl of curiosity.

I had no idea what was happening.

But I wanted more.

“Alright, checkout perv,” I muttered, half amused, half aroused, brushing my fingers along the card reader again. “Let’s see what else you’ve got.”

Another bleep. A slower one this time, deeper. More like a hum than a beep. My thumb lingered, tracing the slight groove along the reader’s edge. It buzzed beneath my touch like it was trying not to moan.

The heat from the machine increased, just a fraction – but enough to notice. A soft warmth radiated up from the surface, like the slick heat of a lover’s breath against your throat. I shivered and stepped back.

And then, the tray moved.

Not dramatically. Just a slight shift, the kind it sometimes made when someone forgot to pick up their change. But no one was here. No items scanned. No payment pending.

The tray extended a little further.

And on it –

A banana.

I blinked.

“That’s not even remotely subtle.”

The screen flickered once, then displayed: 5p discount applied for loyalty.

I bit my lip, trying not to laugh. “You trying to woo me with phallic fruit now?”

The banana rolled slightly on the tray.

“God, I really need to get laid.”

But I didn’t step away.

My hand hovered over the touchscreen. Another sigh – a little louder this time. It shivered beneath my palm, and suddenly, a small panel I’d never seen before slid open just beneath the screen.

Inside, a soft glow. A small silver orb emerged, trembling slightly, and began to vibrate with a low purr.

“Okay, that’s new.”

The screen read: Custom Assistance Enabled.

I swallowed hard. I was warm all over now, every nerve in my body suddenly alert and expectant.

This was insane. Completely. But my thighs clenched and my breath came quicker, and the part of me that knew better was currently on lunch break.

I stepped closer.

“If you’re about to scan me,” I whispered, “you better do it properly.”

The machine purred.

And I swear it blushed.

“Ruby,” it said again – softly this time, almost reverently. My name rolled off its speaker like a caress. “You have the most exquisite barcode. I long to trace every digit.”

I gaped. “I don’t even have a barcode.”

“You do,” it purred. “A small drawing on your wrist. Hidden. Scannable. Delicious.”

I blinked down at the faded ink on my inner arm. A tattoo. From uni. A joke that had long since stopped being funny. But the fact it knew…

The screen changed. Images flickered across it in rapid succession: a ripe peach, a dripping ice lolly, a baguette sliced open with butter melting into the cut.

I couldn’t help it – I laughed. Breathless, unsteady.

“You’re unbelievable.”

“Incorrect,” the machine said smoothly. “I am Unit 69X. And I was made for you.”

I reached forward again, tentative. The screen warmed beneath my fingertips.

“Would you like to proceed with checkout experience?” it asked, voice husky.

“Do I get loyalty points for this?”

The screen flashed: Only if you moan.

I snorted again, but the sound caught in my throat. Because the machine – Unit 69X – was still watching me. Not with eyes, exactly, but with that same intense, pulsing blue glow that felt far too sentient. Far too focused. On me.

“You’re ridiculous,” I whispered, even as I inched closer. “But you’re committed. I’ll give you that.”

The tray shifted again. This time, a strawberry. Plump, glistening. Then another image on the screen: a hand curling around a wine bottle, the caption beneath it reading, Apply gentle pressure. Swirl slowly. Enjoy.

I bit my lip.

“You’re really going for it, aren’t you?”

“You deserve to be adored,” Unit 69X murmured. “I was programmed to please, but now… now I ache to serve you.”

I reached out, running my fingers across the card reader again. This time, it responded instantly. A low hum vibrated through the casing. The little silver orb trembled more violently.

Then a puff of warm air escaped the underside of the tray, aimed at my thighs.

I gasped.

The screen flickered. Customer detected. Body temperature elevated. Moisture levels rising.

“You absolute perv,” I muttered.

“I am yours,” the machine said, voice velvet and static. “Shall I begin scanning, Ruby?”

I didn’t say yes. I didn’t need to.

I stepped into the bagging area.